Why This Blog?

Before Google bought Blogger in 2003, I had already maintained and populated at least one blog.  In those days, people enjoyed the “long form” of blog posts, taking the time to dig into the words and links and provocations – and I had a bit of a following.  Other blogs linked to my page, and I linked to theirs.  I used to watch the analytics to see if anyone was visiting my page, and if I spotted an uptick, a good day resulted.  On the other hand, a part of me understood that I was preaching to the choir, in that the community around my blog depended on like-mindedness and group-think.  If I had to label our perspective, it would include worlds like “left,” “progressive,” “conspiracy” and “anti-authoritarian.”  We imagined ourselves to be iconoclasts and muckrakers, although, in retrospect, we just rattled around our container like popcorn in a lidded pan.

In a spontaneous freak-out moment, I deleted the blog and left it to the void of memory.  I’m sure it’s still out there in the Way Back Machine, but I’ve never bothered to look.

As time progressed, I migrated away from sociopolitical subject matter into a more spiritual direction, as mentioned in the introductory post below.  These blogs – one having to do with direct spiritual experience within a Theravada Buddhist context, another having to do with being raised Protestant Christian but ending up a Buddhist – drew far smaller audiences, but I really enjoyed the conversations that came out of them.  Both blogs have been dormant for years now.

The emergence of Facebook and Twitter seems to have diverted attention away from personal blogs and onto micro-blogging platforms.  Suddenly, I could “friend” people based on their stated interests (Buddhism, Astrology, Disc Golf, etc.), and I didn’t have to “earn” them through self-promotion and writing daily long-form essays.  I got lazy, and I soon stopped blogging entirely.

* * *

It feels like a hundred years have passed since blogging dried up for me.  I’ve dropped out of many other things during this time, as though life has imposed a Zen filter on everything, whittling down my range of passions and interests to the point where I don’t really listen to music any more, I don’t read books that often, I don’t spend much time with friends or family, and I don’t participate in any sort of spiritual community.  Sad as this may sound, I believe this stripping-down has been necessary and good, ultimately.  It’s taken probably 15 years to realize how unconscious and lacking in self-awareness I’d been, how I’d been reacting to life instead of approaching it from a set of clearly-defined values and principles.  I’ve also come to see how dependent on external validation and approval I was/am, so that all my reactivity was/is motivated by the need for others to admire and respect me.  Some part of me knew that this was a lie and that I needed to “get real,” but as always, I had to learn this the hard way.  Thus, the stripping-down has been brutal and painful, and there’s simply no way I was going to talk about it with the world through blogging.

The fact that I’m sitting here now, typing words into a blog post with the full intention of weaving them into an ongoing narrative, is a sign that I’m ready to turn the page.

It’s also a sign that I’m no longer content with remaining silent for fear of alienating friends and family.

My intention here is to slowly spell out the perspective that results in me calling myself a Conspiratorial.  I’ll be posting videos, linking to articles, and putting down tons of words that seek to unpack and make sense of the bewildering world around me.  I’m curious to see what comes out.  And, I’m curious to discover new contacts who are drawn to my expressions.

This is the place where I will download what I know, and what I wish to know.

Let’s see where it goes.